My life as a broken play

To the uninitiated, football looks like a game where a bunch of people run around until someone gets open and receives a pass. In reality it is much more planned out. Each down of professional football follows a carefully designed ‘play’ where each individual player is given an assignment. For the offence, blockers are told exactly who or where to block, receivers are given specific routes to run and running backs are given directions for running, blocking or receiving. Looked at on a whiteboard the play looks impossibly complex but without it the team would have little chance of scoring against a good defence.

The problem comes when the play breaks down. Usually this happens when a defensive player slips through the line untouched and forces the quarterback to run for his life. He probably only has a few seconds before he is tackled and so he stops waiting for the pre-planned play to take shape and scrambles to toss the ball to whoever looks likely to catch it. This is what is known as a ‘broken play’. A team that has more than a few broken plays in a half is probably on its way to losing. It is no longer following the plan and looks for all the world like a chaotic game of parking lot football.

Sometimes I feel like my life is a broken play; as if the plan that I was supposed to be following has been lost and I am just coping with life from day to day. Like the fleeing quarterback there are days when I am able to complete a pass and feel that I have done something and others where I wonder where all the time has gone. The last couple of months were a case in point. I was working unusually long hours and my autistic son wasn’t sleeping well and needed my help to settle down at one or two in the morning. The lack of sleep and exhaustion started to settle in after the second month and life seemed to grow fuzzy around the edges.

I think the problem was compounded by my upbringing. I was raised to think that life had to be filled with a wonderful purpose for it to be meaningful. Perhaps this was not so much the fault of my parents but of Christian biographies I read where famous preachers lived lives of perpetual victory for God. Sometimes I see this in my Facebook friends who have perfect families, awesome ministries and cool jobs.

When I head down this path in my mind it helps me to focus on the good that being in the middle of a broken play can do. It seems contradictory but being there may accomplish God’s plan in me. It helps me to be ‘poor in spirit’ and rely on Him for my sense of identity. Jesus lists this as a principle for how I am to live in Matthew 5. It’s hard to believe that that is a beatitude and not ‘blessed are the optimistic’. I think a broken play in life can force me to turn to God for help. It is so easy to take pride in my accomplishments when things are going well.

It’s interesting that the Bible has some instances where key people experienced a broken play in their lives. Moses was raised by Pharaoh’s daughter and seemed in the perfect position to bravely lead the Israelites out of their slavery. Most of us know that he eventually did this, but not everyone remembers that there was a period of time where he had to flee Egypt and live in the nation of Midian. For years he worked as a shepherd there seemingly without any grand purpose.

Similarly, David spent years being chased around the desert by Saul and then by his own son Absalom. Sometimes I have wondered why God allowed this to happen. It seems like such a waste of time to allow such great leaders to lie fallow when they could have been changing the world. Yet it looks like God is not nearly as worried about this as I am. It could be that David needed that time in the desert to develop his relationship with the Lord to prepare him to write all of those Psalms. But no where does God condemn those men for lack of effort. It’s almost as if the broken play was from Him.

I hope that I am in the same boat. I joked with my wife this morning that I only feel like writing about this because it is Monday. By Wednesday I might write an article on, “How to Peak at Optimum Performance” but right now I can’t stand Wednesday me. No doubt there are points in my life where I need to make more effort to get back on track with God, but maybe there are seasons of life where I can be happy to just complete the day. Those who have recently lost a job or are going through a time of depression know what I am talking about.

Jason Gayoway
Published in The Daily Herald Tribune May 28, 2015

http://www.dailyheraldtribune.com/2015/05/28/my-life-as-a-broken-play

Giving Mom a Break

                                                                                              (me and my mum!)
    In honour of Mother’s Day I would like to tell you about a crisis our family has once or twice a year.  It is something I know is coming, and sometimes even suggest myself, but this does not lessen the trauma - my wife leaves us for a few days of peace and quiet.  Few things strike fear into the hearts of fathers like the prospect of having to cook, clean and look after the children by themselves for longer than a day. Yet giving her this time away helps her to regain her sanity as well as reminds me how much she does around the house on a regular basis. I like to think that we have a fairly equal division of labour at our place but these little vacations disencumber me from that illusion. 

My wife prepares us well before leaving.  In addition to verbal instructions, she leaves an itemized schedule of what needs to be done each day.  I recommend every departing mom do this, especially for visual learners like myself.  I tend to forget details like doctor appointments and remember things like how there’s pudding in the fridge, so having it on paper helps. 

For those dads inspired by this idea I humbly offer a few survival tips:

1. Don’t expect too much out of yourself.  Some dads get caught trying to be an entertainment machine - running their kids to five different events or starting a home renovation project.  Make your expectations realistic.  One piece of useful advice comes from the world of counseling: Change your ‘goals’ into ‘desires’.  A ‘goal’ is defined as something that we feel we must accomplish.  People whose ‘goals’ are thwarted get angry and seek to attain them at any cost.  A ‘desire’ is something we wish to accomplish but do not view it as essential.  The dad who can see his to-do list as desires will be more flexible and able to see when a project is getting in the way of quality family time. Besides, we tend to underestimate how tiring it is to be a single parent especially if we have not done this by ourselves before. Be gentle on yourself.
2. Set aside some time alone with the kids doing something fun.  In a small family, mom’s departure can give the house an air of calm.  You can give them some ‘dad time’ without any distractions.  This is the kind of time everyone says kids need more of but we never find the time to do.  Try turning off the Playstation and opening up a board game.  Younger kids might enjoy some wrestling or hide-and-go-seek.  God made us with the ability to relate to our kids so good things can happen when we give them our attention.
3. Find a babysitter.  We all need breaks, especially if our kids have special needs or are home for the summer.  A sitter can make the difference between a week of meaningful family time and simple survival.  I remember vacations where I got so little sleep that I began to resent my wife for stranding me.  She already felt guilty for leaving us ‘alone’ and sensed my tension from our phone calls.  What is the point of giving her some time away if she feels guilty the whole time?
4. Encourage her not to over-schedule herself.  For one trip my wife and her sister drove to Banff for the Canada Day fireworks, visited the rock, and went to Three Hills to see the houses they lived in as kids.  For a five-day trip this wasn’t too much but would be a marathon for a three-day visit.  If mom doesn’t get out much she might try to pack in a month of adventure and come home more exhausted than when she left.  Gently remind her that the trip is as much about rest as anything else.
5. Clean up.  I know this is a lot to ask after several days of trial, but get the place clean before she returns.  My wife says that on coming home ‘real life slaps you in the face.’  A clean house and take out pizza might make it less painful.  Make sure the baby’s diaper is changed – that’s a no-brainer.  Once she is in the door and settled, you can go collapse somewhere in triumph.

For those brave fathers who take me up on this challenge, I salute you! Remember, the point is to give your wife a break and to honour her. Her happiness is worth the effort.

Jason Gayoway
Published in The Daily Herald Tribune May 15, 2014
http://www.dailyheraldtribune.com/2014/05/15/giving-mom-a-break